go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
