We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
