Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
