When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
