You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
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when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
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He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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