I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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