you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
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Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
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Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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