I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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