no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I FOUND THE LEGS
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize