This is not my ceiling
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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