Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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