i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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