just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
