Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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