youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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