im about as happy as oj after his trial
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
