k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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