Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
