she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
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shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
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So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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