There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
