i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
