okay pat passed out under dana's car
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
