i don't plan on having that self control this summer
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
