The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
