Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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