Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
