i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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