Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
