I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
