Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
