I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
