We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
