I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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