but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
