I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
