I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I can't put those talents on a resume
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
