I think my vagina is haunted
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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