I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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