Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
