I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
