I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
