Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
