last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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