Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
