I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
be right there i have to get my cape
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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