when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
