??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
