pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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