If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
