You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
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