im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
