my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
