i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
