that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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