I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
