You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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