actually, I'm a sock model
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
