dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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