I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
