I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
