Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
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The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
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I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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