dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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