You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
